Stepping Stones to Inner
Peace:
Build Better Relationships by Playing Nicely with Others
Realize
that people do not view life from the same perspective as you do. Try
to be as tolerant and non-judgmental of others as you possibly
can.
Take
the Myers Briggs Personality Test and find out whether you are
introverted or extroverted, intuitive or sensing, thinking or feeling,
judging or perceiving. Please Understand Me by David Kiersey
and Marilyn Bates is a wonderful book on this subject (Prometheus
Nemesis Book Company, 1984).
People
tend to view life from either a physical, emotional or mental focus.
Physically oriented people, the doers, tend to believe that all
of life’s problems can be resolved by action. Emotionally oriented
people, the feelers, believe that life would be fine if
everyone just got along with each other. Mentally oriented people, the
thinkers, tend to believe that life would be great if people
just thought more about what they are doing.
When
you live with someone, you begin to understand that there is more than
one way to clean the house, wash dishes, handle money, etc. In routine
things, we tend to live like our parents did even if we’ve been on
our own for many years. When your lifestyle patterns conflict with
your partner’s, talk about it and try to reach a compromise.
Life
is too short to engage in petty behavior.
When
a decision has a major impact on your time and energy, ONLY YOU should
make that decision. However, when the decision is a minor one, it
often is best to compromise than to demand your own way.
If
you don’t respect the relationships of others, it is hard to create
a loving and supportive relationship for yourself.
Never
ever argue with anyone over either the existence or nature of God.
Since you can never change anyone’s mind on this subject, why upset
yourself?
Any
ism that separates you from another is a good ism to part company
with.
People
learn in different ways. Some learn best through
books, others through classes, some learn best from demonstrations and
others learn from working one-on-one with another. (Research conducted
by U S WEST) Be kind to yourself and others. You always do the best
that you can and so does everyone else.
We
pay for the joy of being "right" with the pain from being
"wrong."
Whenever you become
angry or upset with other people, you give your power away to them.
The more agitated you become, the more power you transfer.
Don’t
take it personally when people lash out at you.
Human beings, like animals, snap when they are afraid.
Often
the people who hurt us most, don’t mean to. Usually they are just
unconsciously acting out their family’s belief system that has
wounded them much more than they have hurt you.
When
you end a personal relationship, take time out to review what happened
before you enter into a new relationship. We all know people who date
the same type of person over and over again.
Never
promise something that you can’t perform.
When
people in your home or office are fighting, take a walk. You’re not
going to get anything done, and you don’t have to put up with this
crap.
When people tell you
their tales of woe, interrupt them and redirect the conversation to a
happier topic, like their children or hobbies. Listening to another
person’s problems tend to make you as unhappy as the person who is
complaining.
When
you are arguing with people, say "Time out!" Take five deep
breaths and ask yourself "Would I rather be right or at
peace?"
Try
to speak as clearly and concisely to others as you possibly can. When
other people are talking to you, ALWAYS listen to what they are saying
and paraphrase it as soon as possible.
The
less that you assume, the better off you are. The only safe assumption
to make is that others will have different expectations than you
do.
Think
before you speak. If you are angry or upset, it usually is best not to
speak at all.
Never
say anything about others that you would not want to hear about
yourself.
Give
up trying to change others, because you CAN’T.
When
someone does something nice for you, acknowledge it in some way. At
the very least, sincerely say "Thank you."
The
people that you most dislike almost always have traits that you
dislike in yourself.
Learn
how to forgive yourself and others. Calm yourself down, take
five deep breaths, and ask yourself what you have learned from that
person or situation. Try writing a letter to the person explaining
your point of view and ask them to explain their point of view. Three
days later write a letter from them to you doing this. Often you will
find that you learned something valuable from this person or event
that you could not learn any other way. Thank the person and yourself
for creating this situation and for the things that you learned from
it.
When
you are slow at work, help others out. They are more likely to help
you when you are busy if you help them when you are slow.
Small
work projects often evolve into monsters. When you have a monster on
your hands, gather everyone involved with the project together and
brainstorm. Often an easier way to accomplish the project will
emerge.
Treat
others as you would like to be treated yourself.
Meet
once a week with your family or co-workers to discuss your communal
life together.
You
don’t need to preach to one another. You radiate who you really are
to everyone that you meet.
